liz's spot

What Fall does to me

2006-10-17T14:35:00.000-07:00

Havent written in a while which has been nice. School has been really crazy and busy at the moment. However, the one thing that makes me uber duber happy is that it is FALL! I love Fall! I think the reason why I love Fall so much is because of the way the wind feels on your body, and yet the warm sun still shines down on you. I love sitting in the grass and just absorbing the sounds and sensations of Fall.

I just got a revelation a couple minutes ago about how I want to just get away from everything and be a lazy bum. I wish I could just get away from the bay area move back to Ukiah get a place of my own to live and just sit. Yep that is right I just want to sit and do nothing. Absorb life, read books, write music, and maybe watch some tv. I just want to get away and not have to deal with the stress of papers, homework, tests, deadlines, work, and the busy life of being in the bay area. I hate it. I dont think I was meant for this place...hmmm a nice Fall day in Ukiah where I can be free sounds nice to me

end of summer

2006-08-16T18:49:00.000-07:00

Well summer is coming to an end, and soon fall semester of my last year of College will be here. Although most of the summer was un eventful, these past two weeks have been really fun. Its almost sad now because it has been so much fun, and some of my SMC buddies will be moving on to their new lives. Ive been doing my RA training which quite frankly is really boring, but Im hoping that this year will be a really great one. I guess its just a weird transition point in my life.

In other news, I am feeling like I really needed to be loved. Its a feeling that isnt new, but it has been enhanced lately with the meeting of a new guy. Its at that weird transition point where I dont really know if he likes me as a friend or more than that. Who knows! So yeah Im going to be really busy for the next couple of weeks.

The new me

2006-07-20T11:47:00.000-07:00

Its been a very interesting couple of days. I have actually been feeling really wonderful. My mother came this past weekend down to Walnut Creek to visit me. As usual we went down to Stanford's on Friday night for happy hour and had cocktails and appetizers. Along with the shopping spree on Saturday where I got a brand new Ipod, hanging out with my mom was really nice because it took all of my stress away that I had been dealing with the following week.

Following a fun filled weekend with my mother, on Monday I had my doctor's appointment in San Francisco to have my thyroid checked out. I was supposed to have my thyroid radiated earlier this summer, but the scans had shown that my thyroid was normal and they wouldnt perform the procedure. Sceptical of this find because I have been suffering from the disease for 8 years, I had blood tests done to confirm that I was indeed normal.

Well the doctors were right! All of my blood tests came back completely in the normal range! Something that has not happened since I was diagnosed. So the news is that the doctors think my Graves Disease went away on its own! They are going to be checking throughout the years to see if my levels are ok, but for the most part I dont need to go back on my medication, and I dont have to have surgery or radiation.

The past couple of days have been pretty surreal. Thinking about how I am going to regain my life after 8 years full of hormonal imbalances is something that is really exciting. I used to get really scared about having kids, because of the birth defects that can happen, and now to think that I may be able to have normal functioning children is truly a blessing (and something that I want down the road in my life). Thinking about this new crossroads in my life is really awesome! I want to get healthier as ever now, and Im going to the gym 4-5 days a week and trying as hard as I can to eat right. Having to eat at the cafeteria kinda makes it difficult. But its a start. So heres to my new life healthy and happy!

World Cup!

2006-06-22T12:00:00.000-07:00

The stupid Americans lost againg today in the World Cup and so we are out of the tournament! Lame if you ask me. I mean I knew in a way it was a long shot, but maybe if the official wouldnt have called that stupid foul in the box on Onyewu so Ghana could have a penalty kick than maybe we would have been in it still.

So I have to find another team to cheer for. I was browsing the World Cup website http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com/ to get a look at the teams. Im thinking about England, Germany, Switzerland and Ghana.

1. England: Normally I wouldnt cheer for them because of my strong love for the Irish and Scottish. However, there is something charming about an Englishman...and an Englishman that can kick a goal is even hotter. They have a good team too and of course Beckham is on it!

2. Germany: I checked the list and although they are a really good team, they are all really ugly! I might just cheer for them to honor my half German side!

3. Switzerland: Good team and really cute guys. What more could a female soccer fan ask for? Not to mention their nuetral!

4. Ghana: The classic underdog! No one expects them to win and they have been playing really well. Not to mention they are the only African team that has been doing well.

Oh yeah and I forgot the Italians. Good looking and really good too. SO as you can see, Im really undecided on who I really like. However, I am for sure cheering against Brazil. We need a new winner!

Being Sex Positive

2006-06-16T15:28:00.000-07:00

Last night at about 12:30 am I had a conversation with one of my good friends from Ukiah named Arlo. Anybody who knows Arlo knows that he is quite a pervert and one of the biggest sluts ever. This past week he kept sending me text messages asking me very sexual questions which made me a little uncomfortable.

However, last nights conversation was actually quite freeing. For the first time in probably over a year I have been able to talk to someone openly about my sex life and well anything that is sexually related without having to feel bad about it. Being a student at Saint Marys is a really interesting place when it comes to sex. Unlike Ukiah where most of my friends are open about sex, at Saint Marys its a taboo subject. Many of the girls that I have lived with in the past two years have been virgins and if you are sexually active (which believe me there are alot) then its something that you really dont talk about.

This conversation that I had with Arlo was something that made me feel really good about myself and that it is ok for me to be sexually active and open about it. I have always felt this way regardless, but sometimes you can get swept up in that whole Catholic guilt thing that is really totally lame.

What was interesting about this whole thing was that after I talked with Arlo and went to sleep, I had a dream that I was making out with one of my gay friends here on campus and that I went and had my clitoris sewn up...and for some reason I really liked the idea of it. I think this actually kinda plays into the whole situation about sex and Saint Marys. That here sexuality is silenced and oppressed. And lets face it...the truth is the only action I am getting is the love that I get from my gay boy friends right now!

Weird day

2006-06-15T22:44:00.000-07:00

One of the weirdest days today that I have had all year. The department that I work for at Saint Marys is getting the boot so 8 people had their last days today. Not to mention a new department is moving in so they scheduled the big move today. So as I moved files and packed boxes I had to say goodbye to many of the women and men that I have connected with. Believe it or not SEED is like my extended family. So it was really hard to say goodbye.

Although it was a weird day as far as all the moving. I have started going to the gym this week which believe it or not has made me really happy. My goal is to lose the weight that I gained during the year. Id like to lose even more too. Today was a really good day for me as far as my workout goes. I dont think I have ever been this optimistic about a workout plan. My friend Jaime (the link for his blog is below) is going to make a workout plan for me which has helped me alot with my confidence. So hopefully this will be the beginning of a fit life and maybe one day I will take Scottley up on a long bike ride or hike!

Reflection from this boring campus

2006-06-13T12:45:00.000-07:00

Well Ive been here in the Bay area for the past two weeks living on campus at SMC. Its been quite boring to be honest. Alot of the kids working on campus are very busy within their own programs and I work off campus in a department that is isolated from SMC. My roomies are nice, but I dont really have much in common with them.

Last night I talked with my best friend from Ukiah Josanna. I miss her terribly but it was great to talk and laugh with her on the phone. She had found this letter in her journal that I had wrote when I was 18. It was to this hippie guy that was 28 at the time that had a huge crush on me. I would see him all the time at the Ukiah Brewing Company or in front of the court house where I would go to peace protests about the war. He was always asking me out for coffee and I was really weirded out by him because he was ten years older and a creepy hippie. Well the letter was really funny because you could tell that I was a dumb 18 year old kid. I didnt have the confidence at the time to just say "shove it". So of course I did the high school thing to do and wrote a note to him. Thank God I never gave it to him!

The phone conversation that I had with Josanna really made me kinda sad however. Its my first time away from Ukiah during the summer. This time of year is my favorite there. The breezes that come in through the canyon from the coast always strike me with a sense of content. Not to mention Concert in the Park is really fun. I also miss my best friend Josanna terribly, and even though our lives have been blown off course from each other with me here at school and her there in Ukiah living the hippie lifestyle, something always brings us back together like we were 10 again jumping on her trampoline.

So instead of me feeling sorry for myself for being lonely at school I have decided that I am going to take this time to reflect and to really get to know myself and the bay area. I want to try to see something new in this place at least once a week. I actually have been going places driving around. Last week I went to San Jose and saw the play Urinetown with Sean and Skippy which was a wonderful way to spend my time. So if anyone has any suggestions on what there is to see in the Bay area just shoot me a line.

I went on a date this past Friday and that was really nice. I hate though this whole thing where you have to wait for the guy to call you back. Its so lame and frustrating. Especially when you are already lonely. This guy is really cool and I hope we at least get a second date. There is something about those history teachers/feminists that always get to me!

In other news the World Cup has been really fun to watch. Although the USA got our butts kicked by the Chech Republic yesterday. I still dont have a country I am really routing for. It goes game to game. I liked watching the Swiss team today though play against France. Maybe I will route for them.

End of the year and alone!

2006-05-21T12:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was graduation for the class of 2006. It was a little odd because technically I would have been in the class graduating, but I will be a fifth year senior next year. One of the things that I have always had a hard time dealing with is the idea of change. Its weird to see people that have been my family here at school suddenly leave and head on to new and exciting things. What is even weirder is the fact that some of these people I probably will never see again. So anyways just contimplating what I will be doing this summer and how life will hold out for me. Right now I am in my dorm and everyone has pretty much left, leaving me alone with nothing but all my junk and my computer. College life can be so bittersweet...

Lessons from Mexico

2006-04-15T23:42:00.000-07:00

I just got back yesterday from my trip to Mexico. I went with my best friend Jorge to his home town Amatlan in the state of Nayarit. It was a wonderful experience where I learned alot about myself and others. The town that Jorge was born in is has only 1200 people. As soon as we came into the town I stuck out like a sore thumb. It was really funny to see that everyone was staring at me wherever we went. Although this was the case, it was also quite uncomfortable. I wasnt sure if it was because I was a white person, or if it was because I am a very very white, pale white person. It caused me to be a little insecure about myself. The cutest thing was that the little children were mesmorized by me, like they had never seen a white person before. I thought that was sweet.

Another thing that was really different was that for the first time I got a sense of what it is like to live a poorer life without the emmenities that people in the US are priveledged to have. At first I must admit it was a little unnerving. But it endend up being alright in the end.

I think my favorite part of the trip was the day that we went to the coast. It took us 3 hours to drive to Guayabitos and then and hour later to go to Puerto Vallarta. Puerta Vallarta was amazingly beautiful. We went to Senor Frogs that night, but I was a little uncomfortable with the atmosphere of drunkeness and sex.

All in all it was a great trip, and although Jorge and I fought a little I think we became even closer than we were before. Ill put up pics once I figure out how to do that.

Peace

Mexico here I come!

2006-04-07T19:19:00.000-07:00

Well I am going down south for the first time in my life! Mexico! Tomorrow morning I shall be flying to Guadalajara with my best bud Jorge. We shall be going to his home town of Amatlan in the state of Nayarit. The plan is to stay with Jorge's grandma. I hope that she stuffs us full of homemade Mexican food. Anywho it should be really fun and laid back. We shall be going back to Guadalajara to hang out for a couple days as well.
some essentials that I will be bringing
1. camera to get all of those great shots of the people of Mexico!
2. immodium to help with the Mexican food.
3. my 11 dollar sunglasses from Safeway!
4. sunscreen...Im going to burn really bad if I dont! Maybe I will tan a little from white to off white!
Well I hope everyone has a pleasant Easter and Spring Break!
Peace

Back from Vagina Land

2006-02-25T22:08:00.000-08:00

For the past two months I have been living in Vagina Land. This is a place that is uncharted territory for me. Only in the sense because this was the first time that I have had the opportunity to partake in the production of the Vagina Monologues. For you that do not know what that is, its a play about womens vaginas with the purpose of trying to stop the secrecy and shame that comes with sexual assault and violence against women. It is a charity event and all the proceeds go to a local non-profit in attempts to stop violence against women throughout the world.

As you know I go to Saint Marys College in Moraga. Its obviously a Catholic College and with that comes the controversy of whether we should perform the show on campus. This year has been especially so because of an organization called the Cardinal Newman Society. This organizations goal is to stop the Vagina Monologues from being performed at Catholic Colleges. Currently 40 Catholic Colleges perform the monologues in the US. Luckily the President of our school allows us to perform the show. But for the past month our Womens Resource Center that puts on the show has recieved e-mails that claim that we are going to hell for performing the show.

For me this process has been really fun and exciting for me. I have met a wonderful group of women that have become my close friends, along with becoming more comfortable to say the word vagina. In fact I have said that word alot and its kinda getting old because it comes up so much in conversation. Who would think that talking about your vagina would get old.

Last night was the performance of the Vagina Monologues and we had a sold out crowd. My part was that of the moaner and I had such a wonderful time performing this piece because it is so funny. I think my status on campus now has been raised into a whole new level due to this performance. My mother came to the show and she was laughing her ass off. She was very excited for me and was really supportive, something that makes me feel really great for.

Now my Vagina experience has ended and I cant wait until next years performance. I am so glad that I have been able to be a part of this amazing movement. Oh yeah the money this year went to the Asia Foundation for the Advancement of Women fund. This year the money will go to Bangladesh to help out a womens shelter that has just been opened. Now life finally goes back to normal for me.

End of Jan Term

2006-01-26T23:34:00.000-08:00

Well it has been quite a long time since I have written on this. About a month to be exact. I have been back at school taking my Jan term course. Tomorrow is my last day of Jan term and then I have a week long break before I start the Spring semester.

This Jan term has been really crazy and amazing at the same time. As far as school goes I am taking a women studies course called "Idols of Perversity" ie. the Bitch course. It is all about how women are represented as bitches in pop culture. I have had a wonderful time taking this class and discussing femme fatales and stereotypes of women in the media. My professor is amazing and I sware knows more about celebrities and pop culture more than any college girl on campus.

Last night we went to this transgendered restaurant in the city called Asia SF. I ended up drinking with some friends of mine on the BART and got plowed. It was really funny and quite embarrassing at the same time because somehow I managed to pole dance and kiss a transvestite that night. There are quite some incriminating pictures of me as well. All in a good time though.

This Jan term I also told the guy that I have liked for the past 4 months that I liked him. He didnt respond the way I would have hoped, but we are still really good friends. It was really hard there for a while however, because he is the most wonderful man that I have met in a long time. I just wished things would have worked itself out.

Finally, I am going to be in my schools production of the vagina monologues. I have been casted as the moaner in the show, so I get to do alot of orgasm sounds. I am really excited to be in this production and to have this monologue because it is definitely one of the most memorable ones. Also it is nice to branch out into uncharted territory. Besides all this information, I am in the process of losing weight. I have already lost 5 pounds and I want to lose up to 30. I hope I am able to do this and look good this spring and summer

Here comes the rain again...

2005-12-31T00:31:00.002-08:00

Its flooding here in Ukiah, creating for some New Years excitement. We have been dealing with some rain storms for the past week and Mendocino County has been on flood watch. I was watching my nephew tonight when my sister and her husband called and let us know that they were flooded at their friend Todd Schappmire's place. They were able to get out and picked me up so that we could get some sand bags and help out with salvaging Todd's house. After filling some sand bags at the Airport, we headed down Perkins street and had to stop over by Burger King because the road was blocked. We talked to the officials and said we had some sand bags which the Fireman replied, "Well you got the right vehicle for it!". We then headed over to Todd's house cautiously, while water was leaking in to the truck. We finally got to the house and dropped off the bags and Todd said for us to get out while we could.

All the while we were helping Todd, my father was over on Babcock clearing out our home ranch because it was flooding. They got out our tractors and the classic vehicles, but were struggling to get out my brothers 1976 Camaro. So we decided to go over to the ranch and help my dad. When we got there the water was about three feet. We started out helping my cousin Pete clear out his house and moving stuff up high. His place was flooded a bit and he wanted us to move the fridge. The Johnson sisters were up for the challenge and we got in there and moved the fridge and then moved onto the garage. In the garage we salvaged some photo slides and old books and brought them home to the house. My sister and I started stuffing our pockets with the old slides and when we got home tonight we found out that they were of my parents engagement party 30 years ago. We also found an old picture of my Great Great Aunt Annie from the turn of the century. We were able to salvage the picture which was lucky for us, because the picture is very old and fragile and an important part of my family's history.

We then moved over to the waterhouse where we tried to move the old records up to higher ground. I dont know if we were able to salvage alot, but we got what we could get. It was a little crazy and really cold, but all that was on my mind at that point was saving my family history. We wanted to move next to the farm house because we didnt think that we were going to salvage alot of the boxes in the waterhouse because it was flooded so bad. When we were done, we decided to move into the house and started moving all the stuff that was low up on top of the desks. We finished the task around midnight tonight, and all we have left now to do is pray that everything will be ok. There is alot of damage, and the water is rising so I dont know if the house is going to stay dry. However, the ranch has been through alot of floods, and Im sure it will be fine. Tonight was a little worrysome and exciting at the same time. My dad said that this is the worse it has gotten in a long time. We'll see how it ends up tomorrow

Johnson Family Christmas

2005-12-26T00:31:00.000-08:00

Christmas this year was interesting at the Johnson family home. Like always there was lots of bickering and yelling between each other, and plenty of clam chowder to go around. This year it was just the seven of us at the house, my parents, my older sister and her husband and son and my brother and I. My brother's friend Clark crashed the Christmas Eve Clam Chowder feed like he always does. The homemade Chowder this year was a little salty, but besides that it was scrumptious and everyone enjoyed.

We then moved onto the presents. My nephew got a basketball hoop which he was really excited about. He's only 18 months, but loves to throw and play with balls, so he was so happy that Santa brought that for him. Due to budget constraints this year was a small Xmas, with less amount of presents. Which was fine because Christmas is about family, and the best part was watching my nephew open presents. I got a coffee pot and a book, and the rest were sweaters. All of the clothing I received was the color lavendar, which was really funny.

Today we woke up and had brunch of ham, eggs and mimosas. We then had a day of lounging and watching movies and tv. We havent opened our stockings yet, but we will tomorrow. Well this year wasnt the best Christmas ever, but it was fun. Cant wait for next year. I hope you guys all had a great holiday too.

kill nelly now please!

2005-12-20T23:40:00.000-08:00

Today while wrapping presents at my grandmothers house, I was watching the Maury Povich show. Yes I know that it is a terrible program but considering my grams doesnt have cable in the wrapping room, and the only other thing was soap operas, I opted for the talk show. Today's episode was about people who should probably be dead because of some condition or accident and have survived. One of the people on the show was a seventeen year old girl who was born with no arms, and was raising a two month old baby. She was born with no arms because her mother was on thyroid medication when she was pregnant, causing the arms in the fetus to not develop.

When I heard this my heart skipped a beat. When I was 14 years old I was diagnosed with Graves Disease. An auto immune disorder where your immune system produces antibodies that attack the thyroid gland.

In attempt to protect itself, the thyroid produces too much hormone causing your metabolism to increase to dangerous levels. The symproms include losing weight very quickly, increased heart rate and blood pressure, bulging eyes and a goiter. Like this guy

I have suffered with this disease for 7 years, and it has been difficult at times. I think the hardest for me was my hair thinning and falling out when I was 15. However, I live a fairly normal life now and the option has come up for me to get my thyroid removed either through surgery or radio active iodine. Im choosing to do the iodine for a multitude of reasons. My thyroid has a name and its Nelly. When I first got sick my cooky aunt suggested that I name it so I could have a relationship with it. Nelly is what she thought of, and now Nelly must die. Im actually really happy that she is gonna go, because frankly I really am tired of all the craziness and drama she produces. The Maury show really put me in perspective today as well that I could have a child that could be disfigured because of this condition. It is something that scares the shit out of me frankly and I dont know what I would do if that happened. Kids right now arent in the picture, but down the road I hope to have a bundle...so well Nelly Im sorry but your gonna die soon and well Ill keep you updated when it happens.

home for the holidays...oh what joy!

2005-12-19T15:17:00.000-08:00

I have been home in Ukiah since December 9th for Christmas. I was looking forward very much to coming home because I did not go home for Thanksgiving, and I was going through Ukiah withdrawels (a syndrome that I have suffered since I left the small town life and came to the big bay area. This includes day dreaming about strolling down school street window shopping, traffic free highways, and the beautiful hillsides that surround the valley.) Its funny however, because after two days of being here in Ukiah, I really want to go back to SMC. Part of it is the fact that my house is full of family, which like so many families, they are very aggrivating. My sister, her husband and my 18 month old nephew are all living here at my parents house, leaving me to a camping cot in the living room next to the Christmas tree. I dont mind so much sleeping on the cot, but I think I finally hit the point where coming home doesnt feel like home anymore.

Its a very weird feeling and transition point that we all have to endure, but its been kinda hard for me this season, because I feel like I dont have any place of my own. Something that is different too this break is the fact that I usually get really excited to see old friends from high school. Not so much this year. Im not in the mood to do much at all. Maybe Im in a rut, who knows.

I think however, that for the first time I have realized that this town isnt the perfect cookie cutter happy place that I have believed for so many years. There is alot of poverty here, and alot of hicks. I lately have met some of my brothers friends that are all truck driving, gun shooting hicks, that frankly are very annoying. Many of my high school friends now have children and are married, making it a bit awkward because I am nowhere near that point in life. Just some random thoughts of mine, because well believe it or not, its quite an astonishing thought for me, that I dont like this place anymore. In better news, I love it at school and I love my friends there. At least I have one place that makes me happy.

My first blog!

2005-12-18T22:44:00.000-08:00

Hmm well this is my first blog ever on this. I must say..I was a little aprehensive to start this process because well its a little scary to have millions of people read about your life. However, I figured this might be fun...and pass the time for me when im bored. Well a little about me...Im a twenty something from a small town called Ukiah. For the most part I like it in Ukiah, but now I am having a wonderful time at college at Saint Marys college in the bay area. Yay for being a Catholic school girl! Right now I am in Ukiah for the holidays and just realized today for the first time in my life that this town is boring me. So...yay for my first blog! Ill post some more stuff later when something amusing comes up...just a little introduction.