What Fall does to me

Havent written in a while which has been nice. School has been really crazy and busy at the moment. However, the one thing that makes me uber duber happy is that it is FALL! I love Fall! I think the reason why I love Fall so much is because of the way the wind feels on your body, and yet the warm sun still shines down on you. I love sitting in the grass and just absorbing the sounds and sensations of Fall.

I just got a revelation a couple minutes ago about how I want to just get away from everything and be a lazy bum. I wish I could just get away from the bay area move back to Ukiah get a place of my own to live and just sit. Yep that is right I just want to sit and do nothing. Absorb life, read books, write music, and maybe watch some tv. I just want to get away and not have to deal with the stress of papers, homework, tests, deadlines, work, and the busy life of being in the bay area. I hate it. I dont think I was meant for this place...hmmm a nice Fall day in Ukiah where I can be free sounds nice to me

end of summer

Well summer is coming to an end, and soon fall semester of my last year of College will be here. Although most of the summer was un eventful, these past two weeks have been really fun. Its almost sad now because it has been so much fun, and some of my SMC buddies will be moving on to their new lives. Ive been doing my RA training which quite frankly is really boring, but Im hoping that this year will be a really great one. I guess its just a weird transition point in my life.

In other news, I am feeling like I really needed to be loved. Its a feeling that isnt new, but it has been enhanced lately with the meeting of a new guy. Its at that weird transition point where I dont really know if he likes me as a friend or more than that. Who knows! So yeah Im going to be really busy for the next couple of weeks.

The new me

Its been a very interesting couple of days. I have actually been feeling really wonderful. My mother came this past weekend down to Walnut Creek to visit me. As usual we went down to Stanford's on Friday night for happy hour and had cocktails and appetizers. Along with the shopping spree on Saturday where I got a brand new Ipod, hanging out with my mom was really nice because it took all of my stress away that I had been dealing with the following week.

Following a fun filled weekend with my mother, on Monday I had my doctor's appointment in San Francisco to have my thyroid checked out. I was supposed to have my thyroid radiated earlier this summer, but the scans had shown that my thyroid was normal and they wouldnt perform the procedure. Sceptical of this find because I have been suffering from the disease for 8 years, I had blood tests done to confirm that I was indeed normal.

Well the doctors were right! All of my blood tests came back completely in the normal range! Something that has not happened since I was diagnosed. So the news is that the doctors think my Graves Disease went away on its own! They are going to be checking throughout the years to see if my levels are ok, but for the most part I dont need to go back on my medication, and I dont have to have surgery or radiation.

The past couple of days have been pretty surreal. Thinking about how I am going to regain my life after 8 years full of hormonal imbalances is something that is really exciting. I used to get really scared about having kids, because of the birth defects that can happen, and now to think that I may be able to have normal functioning children is truly a blessing (and something that I want down the road in my life). Thinking about this new crossroads in my life is really awesome! I want to get healthier as ever now, and Im going to the gym 4-5 days a week and trying as hard as I can to eat right. Having to eat at the cafeteria kinda makes it difficult. But its a start. So heres to my new life healthy and happy!

World Cup!

The stupid Americans lost againg today in the World Cup and so we are out of the tournament! Lame if you ask me. I mean I knew in a way it was a long shot, but maybe if the official wouldnt have called that stupid foul in the box on Onyewu so Ghana could have a penalty kick than maybe we would have been in it still.

So I have to find another team to cheer for. I was browsing the World Cup website http://fifaworldcup.yahoo.com/ to get a look at the teams. Im thinking about England, Germany, Switzerland and Ghana.

1. England: Normally I wouldnt cheer for them because of my strong love for the Irish and Scottish. However, there is something charming about an Englishman...and an Englishman that can kick a goal is even hotter. They have a good team too and of course Beckham is on it!

2. Germany: I checked the list and although they are a really good team, they are all really ugly! I might just cheer for them to honor my half German side!

3. Switzerland: Good team and really cute guys. What more could a female soccer fan ask for? Not to mention their nuetral!

4. Ghana: The classic underdog! No one expects them to win and they have been playing really well. Not to mention they are the only African team that has been doing well.

Oh yeah and I forgot the Italians. Good looking and really good too. SO as you can see, Im really undecided on who I really like. However, I am for sure cheering against Brazil. We need a new winner!

Being Sex Positive

Last night at about 12:30 am I had a conversation with one of my good friends from Ukiah named Arlo. Anybody who knows Arlo knows that he is quite a pervert and one of the biggest sluts ever. This past week he kept sending me text messages asking me very sexual questions which made me a little uncomfortable.

However, last nights conversation was actually quite freeing. For the first time in probably over a year I have been able to talk to someone openly about my sex life and well anything that is sexually related without having to feel bad about it. Being a student at Saint Marys is a really interesting place when it comes to sex. Unlike Ukiah where most of my friends are open about sex, at Saint Marys its a taboo subject. Many of the girls that I have lived with in the past two years have been virgins and if you are sexually active (which believe me there are alot) then its something that you really dont talk about.

This conversation that I had with Arlo was something that made me feel really good about myself and that it is ok for me to be sexually active and open about it. I have always felt this way regardless, but sometimes you can get swept up in that whole Catholic guilt thing that is really totally lame.

What was interesting about this whole thing was that after I talked with Arlo and went to sleep, I had a dream that I was making out with one of my gay friends here on campus and that I went and had my clitoris sewn up...and for some reason I really liked the idea of it. I think this actually kinda plays into the whole situation about sex and Saint Marys. That here sexuality is silenced and oppressed. And lets face it...the truth is the only action I am getting is the love that I get from my gay boy friends right now!

Weird day

One of the weirdest days today that I have had all year. The department that I work for at Saint Marys is getting the boot so 8 people had their last days today. Not to mention a new department is moving in so they scheduled the big move today. So as I moved files and packed boxes I had to say goodbye to many of the women and men that I have connected with. Believe it or not SEED is like my extended family. So it was really hard to say goodbye.

Although it was a weird day as far as all the moving. I have started going to the gym this week which believe it or not has made me really happy. My goal is to lose the weight that I gained during the year. Id like to lose even more too. Today was a really good day for me as far as my workout goes. I dont think I have ever been this optimistic about a workout plan. My friend Jaime (the link for his blog is below) is going to make a workout plan for me which has helped me alot with my confidence. So hopefully this will be the beginning of a fit life and maybe one day I will take Scottley up on a long bike ride or hike!

Reflection from this boring campus

Well Ive been here in the Bay area for the past two weeks living on campus at SMC. Its been quite boring to be honest. Alot of the kids working on campus are very busy within their own programs and I work off campus in a department that is isolated from SMC. My roomies are nice, but I dont really have much in common with them.

Last night I talked with my best friend from Ukiah Josanna. I miss her terribly but it was great to talk and laugh with her on the phone. She had found this letter in her journal that I had wrote when I was 18. It was to this hippie guy that was 28 at the time that had a huge crush on me. I would see him all the time at the Ukiah Brewing Company or in front of the court house where I would go to peace protests about the war. He was always asking me out for coffee and I was really weirded out by him because he was ten years older and a creepy hippie. Well the letter was really funny because you could tell that I was a dumb 18 year old kid. I didnt have the confidence at the time to just say "shove it". So of course I did the high school thing to do and wrote a note to him. Thank God I never gave it to him!

The phone conversation that I had with Josanna really made me kinda sad however. Its my first time away from Ukiah during the summer. This time of year is my favorite there. The breezes that come in through the canyon from the coast always strike me with a sense of content. Not to mention Concert in the Park is really fun. I also miss my best friend Josanna terribly, and even though our lives have been blown off course from each other with me here at school and her there in Ukiah living the hippie lifestyle, something always brings us back together like we were 10 again jumping on her trampoline.

So instead of me feeling sorry for myself for being lonely at school I have decided that I am going to take this time to reflect and to really get to know myself and the bay area. I want to try to see something new in this place at least once a week. I actually have been going places driving around. Last week I went to San Jose and saw the play Urinetown with Sean and Skippy which was a wonderful way to spend my time. So if anyone has any suggestions on what there is to see in the Bay area just shoot me a line.

I went on a date this past Friday and that was really nice. I hate though this whole thing where you have to wait for the guy to call you back. Its so lame and frustrating. Especially when you are already lonely. This guy is really cool and I hope we at least get a second date. There is something about those history teachers/feminists that always get to me!

In other news the World Cup has been really fun to watch. Although the USA got our butts kicked by the Chech Republic yesterday. I still dont have a country I am really routing for. It goes game to game. I liked watching the Swiss team today though play against France. Maybe I will route for them.